Maybe One Day.

As I am writing this, he is sleeping next to me snoring asleep (in his boxer shorts if you want to really, really want to know but I doubt you do).

Today was a wedding for one of my best friends (I have three in total) Vicki with her new husband Rob (haha, it felt so beautiful to write that) we danced, ate and celebrate. At least I can wake up on 26th of July and think ‘at least I have no more jars now’ I don’t think I want to see another or make another jar ever  again. Only for ligament reasons.

Now let’s go back to the start and think of this lovely man next to me.  I know we have only been together for 5 months. In all honesty it feels like longer, so much longer if I am entirely honest but at the same time it only feels like yesterday where he took me on a 7 mile hike and kissed me when we got home even though he argues I kissed him. If you are reading this sweetheart, you turned over and kissed me slowly thank you!

Today at this wedding he called me Perfect and he held me in his arms like a thousand or so before with a different smile on his face… which I am trying to put my finger on what does this smile mean? Should I know about this smile? He had it on his face all day till he fell asleep.  Then we had a meal, kept whisperings I love yous and held hands.

During the first dance of Vicki and Rob’s to the classic Bryan Adams 1991 song Everything I do (I do it for you) the DJ announced everyone with partners to go up on the middle dance floor to dance, I thought Jade and Tommy would be on the dance floor but I got swopped up, and I guess it was my first dance with him as a couple.

Then I spat out “Maybe one day.”

It might be with him, but that one day can only tell me.

Though Right now, I want to cuddle into my Panda bear and hope he’ll be in that one special day.

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Within Two Months Time....

Hey loves,

Not going to lie with each passing tick tock of the clock it is getting scarier and scarier, for multiple reasons.

•  I am going to university in less than two bloody months, not long ago I was jumping up and down finding out that I, Shankies, has had an unconditional offer and will be going to university this September. 

But one problem, I got let down not by 1 but by 4 landlords whilst looking for student accommodation. Average per term rate for accommodation for university is £3,000. OUCH! My poor, poor purse. Even though a family member has offered to pay my deposit for the rented accommodation, it’s just finding the house then meeting the house mates reading over the tenancy agreement and then agreeing to it. Doesn’t sound hard now, does it? Wrong again my loves, you see I have to move without securing a job down there, even I have messaged small businesses asking for open vacancies already. Most said they haven't got any and now its getting a little scary.

What might be a solution is what everyone has been telling me to avoid. Moving back in with my mother. Do not get me wrong, I love my mammy, love my stepdad and also my siblings but everyone is telling me what if I want to stay out? What if I want a drink? What if I participate in clubs and societies? What If I do want to stay at my mams but this family member might be cross at me? Do I want my independence? Will this be a step back? 

The last think I want is a feud but I need to think of all of these things and see if its for me, and me alone without anyone looking through the window and seeing a living room instead of the whole house!

• With university I have to leave Panda Bear up in Scotland. Since leaving so close near each other, it’s a worrying thought even though he said we’ll figure something out, stop worrying. Urgh, I AM A WORRYBUG! FEAR ME! I PANIC! I don’t want to imagine him not being a part of me. I am utterly madly, truly and deeply in love with my cariad. I just don’t want to leave him behind. 

I think I need a cuddle?

Greatest love,

Shankies

xxxx

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Nights Aren't So Lonely.

Hey loves,

The summer is upon us (well sort of), and the days are longer. The days are getting hotter (some days). Oh, and lovely sweet bubble-gum ice cream (wait you can have that all year round)!

As the days go by before I know it it’s going to be winter and freezing again. I do adore winter, I enjoy the cold. I love the smell of peppermint in the winter months, reminds me of Christmas. Hopefully it snow twice as much this year too. Though the deal with winter is that the shorter days and the longer nights. I cannot stand to be in the dark, and I cannot be in the dark. I’m just so afraid of the dark, even worse what is in the dark.

Even though its summer now but I cannot think on what will happen in a few months’ time, it’ll be Christmas season, birthdays, Halloweens and brown leafs falling from the tree. Making snow men with a loved one calling it Olaf. Drinking hot chocolate with a big massive cuddle on the leather sofa or just a massive cuddle on the bed (I do that anyway with the cariad) and my mother’s scouse on a winter day when I need a cheering up. 

But two things that I know is that I know I will not be alone these dark nights, and winter is coming.

Greatest love,

Shankies.

xxx

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