Hey loves,
Not going to lie over this past week I went through a lot of
emotions, and you can see I deleted a blog. It was intentional but I have a
belief.
A belief that anger is a secondary emotion. You only feel it
for a slight moment or you may feel it for longer but happiness will overcome.
For example this past week I had got told that my boyfriend
might not to be able to handle the long distance when I am in University. Now
when he first told me I cried, and I cried for quite some time with him holding
me just thinking about the worst. You see when I am with him, I can see my
entire life with him. Well I don’t see my entire life because there are going
to be hidden surprises along the way but nevertheless. Then when it sunk in I was really, really angry because before we ever even
started to date he knew I was going back down for university. He knew that I
was going to a welsh university, and if had told me sooner of his thoughts I
could have done something about it though instead I was stressed beyond belief
that some of my colleagues had even told me I looked like a dead man walking. I
got even angrier because I was eavesdropping and everyone seems to forget I can
do that. I heard what my dad had to say then my own mother, my dad and
step-mum. I had no one to vent to but my
blog, and that’s where achy came from
and once I wrote it, I deleted it straight away because I was in the wrong.
Instead of talking about it I was venting it out to the world. No one should be
reading something that personal.
My manager told me that I wasn’t myself this whole week, and
I just cried out to her because I didn’t know what to do but deep down inside I
did. I always knew. It just took a tear or two or even more tears to realise.
In the end it was telling him. Telling the guy that I do love dearly on what
are my thoughts about it even though I didn’t know what to tell him.
So, what did I do? What did I say?
What I did was printed out an academic dairy, and
highlighted every dates that I will be coming up north to Scotland. What it
looks like is once every month. A weekend every month, and then if I talk to
dad about it is when he comes down to see my siblings is to take him down to
save petrol. Then I got deep root in the
problem, in his blog: Insert Title Here. It mentions his previous relationship
with Sam, and well… that was a long distance relationship and it didn’t go down
to well. I need to remind him that I am not Sam. I am (using my real name now,
don’t be shocked) Alexandra. I am Alexandra who loves and adores Stuart no
matter what. I think cheating on a person you truly love is disgusting, and if
you feel that way towards that person you’re cheating on with you don’t really
love that person. You see where I am coming from?
Then a couple of nights ago I had a message from a person I
was meant to move in before the whole landlord fiasco with and basically he
told me he liked me when he knows I have a cariad, not going to lie I didn’t
know how to respond but to tell Stuart about this. First he was shocked because
this person was meant to be a friend, secondly he got very angry because he was
worried about this sort of thing in the first place. You can say that I am very
naïve and innocent in a way. I cannot tell when a person is flirty with me, so
I let them carry on without me knowing and then understanding. Ending of that
story is that I told him to back off. Stuart wants me add if he makes a move on
me he’ll break his teeth really.
I understand where he is coming from, and hopefully he’ll
understand where I am coming from. Just hoping everything will come together in
the end little loves. The way it should be.
In conclusion with
emotions sometimes you need to step back and analyse the situation even if it’s
hard to do.
Greatest love,
Shankies.
xxxxxxxxxxx
